Twin Tips: Party Etiquette

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Tip 102 (School-Age): Party Etiquette. As a parent of multiples, you are presented with a few possible sticky areas when receiving party invitations. Over the years, I've made notes of tips I've learned.

Invitations are easily handled if your twins are in the same classroom. You simply respond. However, you encounter several issues when twins are in separate classrooms. If one twin receives an invitation, don't automatically assume the other is invited. Usually, if the party host knows both twins, he/she will often invite both. However, on rare occasions the host may invite only one. We call these, "single invites." When our twins were in the first grade, we received an invitation for one of the twins. We informed the mother that our daughter had a twin sister and asked if she could also attend. The mother said, "no." After the initial shock of rejection wore off, I simply said, "thanks," even though I was troubled by her response. That was the invitation extended to only one of our twins. For the duration of the party, the other twin was taken for ice cream and playtime. After the second or third "single invite," parties became easier to manage. If the invitation is extended to one, we automatically schedule a play date or another activity for the other twin.

When twins are in separate classrooms and want to invite their entire class, the rule of thumb is to include rather than exclude. Ideally, you should look for a location large enough to accommodate both classes and schedule several group activities. When the number of guests is limited to 15-20, obviously you cannot invite both classrooms. We have twin girls; therefore, we usually invite the girls in both classrooms. The same can be done for twin boys. Twins of opposite sex require extra planning. One mother with opposite sex twins gave a party at the YMCA – she reserved a large party room. The girls participated in swimming, while the boys played basketball in the gym. They came together for cake and snacks. Surprisingly, the party was well organized. A colleague with opposite sex preteens gave a sleepover for girls in her daughter's classroom, while her husband took her son and the boys in his classroom for pizza and bowling. As twins get older and form friendships, the list may get smaller (or larger depending on their popularity).

What about gift giving? Should you give two gifts (one per child) or one gift from both? When my twins were younger (age 1-5), they gave one gift from both. However, as they got older, each wanted to give their own gift. When purchasing a single gift, consider spending a little more. A single gift should cost approximately the equivalent of two gifts.

You can find bright and colorful party invitations for twins and triplets in the invitation section of this site.

If you have an experience relating to this topic and would like to share with other parents, please email it to customercare@duosandtrios.com. Please type "Editorial" as your subject.